Written by: Aymen Sherwani – Grade 12
We should have all just died in the 2012 apocalypse while we had the chance, but let’s look on the bright side; at least everyone is collectively suffering. As each tragedy struck, people across the world said, “This year can’t get any worse!” to which 2016 replied, “Is that so?” and then proceeded to prove otherwise. From the mourning another face gone from the world of fantasy and sci-fi, to phones exploding in people’s faces as they sleep, here are 40 reasons why we’re glad the year of 2016 is over.
I think everyone can collectively say that last year had not been a good year for celebrity obituaries.
1. Alan Rickman – Severus Snape from the Harry Potter series dies at 69.
2. Carrier Fisher – Princess Leia from the Star Wars franchise dies at 60.
3. Prince – LGBT icon and musician dies at 57.
4. Harper Lee – To Kill a Mockingbird author dies at 89.
5. David Bowie – Music icon and fashion mogul dies at 69.
6. John Glenn – First Man in Space dies at 95.
7. Fidel Castro – Leader of Cuba since 1959 dies at 90.
8. Muhammad Ali – Beloved boxer and activist dies at 74.
9. Harambe died – Innocent gorilla dies at the age of 16.
10. Jim Prentice died – Former Alberta premier dies in plane crash at 60.
11. George Michael died – Singer-songwriter gies at the age of 53.
12. Russian plane crash – 92 dead, no survivors.
13. Fly Dubai plane crash – 62 dead, no survivors.
But celebrities haven’t been the only ones that have been dying, as natural disasters, viral outbreaks, and other environmental issues had popped up last year as well.
14. The fears of protesters come true as pipeline bursts 150 miles from Standing Rock, polluting the water supply.
15. As of 2016, 20% of the Great Barrier Reef in Australia has died.
16. Italy earthquake, with a magnitude of 6.6 on the Richter scale kills over 300 people.
17. Zika virus outbreak.
18. Fort MacMurray Wild Fire leaves over 83,000 people displaced from their homes.
19. Hurricane Matthew plagued the Atlantic with a death toll of 1000 people, and humanitarian crises in Louisiana, Baton Rouge and Texas.
20. Over 20% of the Amazon rainforest has been deforested.
21. Chipotle Norovirus and E. coli impacted over 100 people in 2016.
22. The Javan Rhino, Northern White Rhino, Hawksbill Turtle, Hawaiian Monk Seal, and Hawaiian Crow have all become extinct in 2016.
2016 was a grim reminder to the world that international politics need amendment, and America needs to reevaluate the Second Amendment. If the hundreds of innocent corpses in America aren’t enough for Congress and the House of Representatives to move forward with ANY motions, I seriously consider the judgement of leaders in office.
23. Orlando Shooting – death toll at 50 LGBT people
24. Paris Shooting – death toll at 137 (ISIS claims authority)
25. Charleston Church Shooting – death toll at 9 black churchgoers
26. The Syrian War – death toll at 300,000 people to date.
27. Berlin Shooting – death toll at 12 (ISIS claims authority)
28. Brussels Bombing – death toll at 32, 300 injured (ISIS claims authority)
29. Istanbul Airport Shooting – death toll at 41 (ISIS claims authority)
30. Bastille Day Truck Massacre – death toll at 85 (ISIS claims authority)
31. Police Brutality and Black Lives Matter Movements.
We’ve covered all the physical deaths, but another thing that died was love. Love is dead.
32. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got divorced.
33. Jay Z cheated on Beyonce, leading Beyonce to created Lemonade. We got Lemonade but at what cost?
My faith in humanity is dead.
34. International Clown Epidemic – I honestly don’t even know why this happened but for some reason pranksters across the world collectively joined a running joke of chasing people with chainsaws and axes in the middle of the night, to the point where clown bans were placed by governments. Yeah.
35. Rio Olympics Scandals.
36. Brock Turner released from prison after 6 months – raped an unconscious woman outside fraternity house, as the judge does not believe victim’s case was strong enough.
37. S. Election Outcome – Do I really have to explain why it’s disappointing that America elected a man who grabs women by their genitals?
38. Brexit – Britain leaving the European Union because the nation’s older demographic is anti-immigration, however this only increased hate crimes and illegal immigration.
39. The Marvel comics turn Captain America into an undercover Hydra agent, working for the Nazis all along.
Joy is dead.
40. Vine is being discontinued – the only 6 seconds of joy I had every day is dead. Gone.
41. Samsung phones exploding – at this point in the year it does seem like a swift death.
Theme: death, Extended Metaphor: bitterness.